Richard Tocci

Richard Tocci
Just when you thought it was safe, I show up...

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Monday, December 1, 2008

Never Enough Time

I had the boys this weekend for the holiday. They spent Thanksgiving Day with their momma, uncle, and grandparents, and then they spent that night and the rest of the holiday weekend with me.

Tomorrow morning, they go back to school and to their mother, and I look back at the weekend and see what all we did. Basically, we watched cartoons, went to the store a couple of times (after the crazy 5AM sales, of course), and to the mall once. Other weekends, I'll take them to the park to kick a ball around with Alex while Hayden watches and laughs. When a show comes to town, I'll book a few tickets so they can have fun. This Thursday, I plan to take them to get their picture taken with Santa at the mall.

It seems the weekend has flown by. I look forward to every weekend I have with them, but it always seems like it's suddenly Monday morning, and I'm packing them into their mother's car to go off to school. And I always wonder -- is there enough time?

I joke sometimes that I'll blink, and Hayden will be in elementary school learning to read and write, and Alex will be eying middle school. Then I'll blink again, and Alex is asking me for the keys to the car so he can go have dinner with his girlfriend, and Hayden looking on in jealousy because he's only in middle school and longs for his license. Then I'll blink again, and Alex is in college, Hayden is asking for the keys, and I'm staring retirement in a few short years. By then, Chris and Amanda will likely have given me grandchildren.

STOP! Stop thinking like this! I need to enjoy the time I have now! Even though it seems short and fleeting, I'm seeing Alex and Hayden grow and develop and give me memories that I can never, ever replace, and if I start worrying about the future, so very far away, it'll be here before I know it and I will have missed everything!

So I'll continue to take Alex and Hayden to the park and the mall and the store and to a show and show them things like the sunset and the birds and the moon and the stars, because one day, they will thank me. Maybe they won't say "Thanks, Dad" directly, but they will thank me, and I'll remember all the times I have now...

God, I love my boys...I never knew love could be this deep...

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