Richard Tocci

Richard Tocci
Just when you thought it was safe, I show up...


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Friday, February 13, 2009

A Marriage Ends, and The Road Ahead...

Well, today, it happened. Finally. After a year of being separated, it finally happened. My marriage to Felicity Young is now officially, legally, over. It happened between 8:30 and 12 noon today, based on the decree we both signed off on a couple of weeks ago.

I'm not happy about the divorce. Don't get me wrong -- I'm glad it's done and over with, I'm glad this day is here. But the divorce represents a failure, and I do not like failure, so therefore, I am not happy.

It's true -- I hate failure. Failure means I didn't learn what I needed to learn about marriage to keep it going and make it work. In this case, however, I don't think that would have mattered. Fliss told me several times it was not all my fault. Her feelings on marriage had a lot to do with its failure.

In the long run, I believe this was the best decision. Good decisions are not always the ones that make us feel better in the end. The marriage would have ended anyway, I believe. I think I saw this one ending before Fliss ever asked for the divorce. But I tried to keep it going, and that didn't help matters any.

I am happy it ended now because Alex and Hayden will adjust to mother and father living apart. Alex knew something was going on a while ago. He knows Mom and Dad live in different places, and while he did not fully understand why, he's adjusted to it pretty well. He's figured out a few things, and tries to play off that as much as he can -- he's tried the "I want to go to (Parent's Title here)'s house now!" and that just does not work. He knows that, but he tries anyway. Hayden, on the other hand, is too young for this to matter and will adjust to it better than Alex.

What's next? Not marriage, I'll tell you that. I am NOT looking for someone to settle down with. I'm just not that interested in that right now. My tax bracket changes now, too. Anyone have any ideas how to save $250 a month on paying a single man's tax rate? I have a few ideas but will welcome any and all suggestions!

A female friend of mine joked with me recently when I told her that I signed my divorce papers. She said "Oh, really? So...uh...How YOU doin'?" While I laughed at this, I realized that, in some respects, some women would see me as "new meat" and might even be after me now that I am newly single and unmarried. Let's be honest, I hold certain qualities a woman looks for in a man -- I am good with children, I have a steady job with a fair income (less take home now that I'm divorced and paying the single tax rate, thanks mainly to Texas state mandated child support formulas -- anyone in Maryland that complains about the support YOU pay should drop me a line, and I'll tell you how much I pay, and then you can shut the hell up!), and I have a decent sense of humor. While I know these are positive features, I am not delusional -- I am not the handsomest man on the planet, and I won't likely be dating a Playboy model in the near future, but it is true that men, like women, are put up on meat block to be surveyed, not always at their own request, and almost certainly not always fairly. It's unfair, but it's reality, and I'll deal with it as best I can.

Additionally, I am NOT going to sire more children. I'm done. No Mas. In fact, to nearly guarantee this, I plan to have The Surgery. Yes, that's right...Snip Snip. Like my friend Steve Vyhlidal used to say when playing dominoes, I'll be Shootin' Blanks. Seriously, I'm pushing 40 and the last thing I want is more children. I am VERY happy with the 4 children I have now. My immediate family is complete. I'm finished. No Mo' Kids! Did you hear that in the back row -- The Richard Tocci Jr. Baby Factory is now CLOSED!

What does that do for possible dating prospects? Don't care -- I'll be dating, not looking to settle down. If you look at me and say "Wow, I wouldn't mind being with him and having a few kids", I'll be moving on. In case you didn't hear me:

No More Kids!

The biggest problem I had writing this blog entry was coming up with a title. I considered "Freedom", "Another One Bites The Dust", and "The End" but they all seemed too crude and inconsiderate. I can't bring myself to be too mean -- I did get two wonderful children from this marriage, so regardless of it all, I have them, and they have me, and that's better than anything else in the world.

And now, this chapter ends, and the next one begins...


Penni Domikis said...

OK... so I know it was probably not appropriate to do so but I laughed when I read this post. I think it's funny that you feel you are being examined by women. I don't disagree that a single man for some women would be interesting to examine but perhaps not for husband material. You are a two time divorcee and that has to make some women wonder. Perhaps what they are examining is a sweet, nice guy with a wonderful sense of humor that might be nice to get together with. I know that if single... you would look good to me right now cause the more fun and the less drama the better. Sometimes is nice to have someone around that you can call to go out to dinner or show up somewhere with and know that you will have a good time, that the pressure would be off and you won't come home crying or disappointed or wondering what the hell just happened. Sounds interesting to me so I agree with the girls for looking no matter what capacity it's in. Here is a side not from my husband on the "failure" aspect. He claims said to tell you that what is right is what is left after everything else goes wrong. So he figures that since you have had two shots at the marriage game you are probably closer to getting it right the next time if you should ever want to. By now you should know what you don't like. :)

Unknown said...

I guess it's living in Texas. Women here tend to examine every man as if they are going to marry him. The mistake women make is trying to change the man. If you don't see what you want in the first place, then changing him will not make it better.

Besides, I do have one point of satisfaction. Her current beau? The Redneck version of Me...