Richard Tocci

Richard Tocci
Just when you thought it was safe, I show up...


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Monday, February 9, 2009

My Mother was Right...Sort Of...

My mother had this theory when I was young. It was an odd theory then, and still is, but I've been forced to look back at it several times in the last weeks. I hate to admit my parents were right in ANY way, just as my children, I'm sure, hate to admit when I'm right, so I take no pleasure in this.

I'll see if I can put the theory into the proper form:

The behavior of a child is directly proportional to the need and/or inability of the child to perform solid excretion.

Yes, that's right. My mother said that behavior problems were caused by the child needing to take a poop.

I am NOT making this up! She told me once that I was misbehaving (and I'm not sure that I was, honestly), and that I needed to go to the bathroom, to "go take a shit". Seriously -- she made me go into the bathroom, and sit down, until I...well, you can guess. You can also guess I didn't...well, you know...and went on to do something more productive that afternoon -- like go down the street and look at porn magazines at my friend's house.

Fast forward 20-some-odd years. Hayden spent the weekend with me and had a hard time eating on Friday night. He basically puked up what he ate before he got to me. By Saturday, his diaper had nothing but pee in it.

So I called the ex and asked if Hayden had been having some trouble eating lately. Yes, he had some trouble for the past few days. He was also irritable and was not happy most of the day Friday.

So Saturday morning I feed him his Pediasure and Cheerios and then for lunch he had refried beans and carrots with applesauce. A few hours later, after much straining, he passed what I can only describe as a very healthy bowl movement. It was easy to see the problem -- the first half of it was like concrete, the latter half more along the lines of normal excretion.

So my mother was right...sort of. Yeah, he was not happy, but he was not "misbehaving", and he was not happy because he needed to go potty VERY badly.

Note to self -- give ex a copy of Hayden's Daddy Time Menu and he'll be right as regular in no time.

And people wondered why I never brought a girlfriend home to meet my parents...


The Guptas said...

You are absolutely right. Sometimes when our kids won't eat, they'll go into the bathroom and come out starving. It makes perfect sense. As my husband always says "need to make room."

When my kids are misbehaving it's usually food or sleep but there have been more than a few times that a little quality time in the bathroom makes a big difference.

As Mrs. Grubb used to say in high school "There is nothing as overrated as an orgasm and as underrated as a bowel movement!"

Unknown said...

I got sick when thinking of Ms. Grubb saying the word "orgasm"!